Rating every reason to go to the island from every Jurassic Park movie

By Jurassic World 3, people have been mauled on the island full of dinosaurs 5 different times, so I'm here to rate how logical it is to go back to the island and risk another mauling.

Jurassic Park- 10/10

It's a brand new park full of dinosaurs with a mortality rate of 0. There are major safety precautions and nothing bad has happened before.

I think this is an entirely valid reason to go to the island, as, up to that point, it was just an actual normal park, not a burial ground of people eaten by dinosaurs.

Jurassic Park 2- 4/10

There is a second park of dinosaurs, and one group wants to document them while another wants to bring them to California for money.

This isn't a winner. The San Diego Jurassic Park idea is just really bad, and the documentary crew don't exactly come armed to deal with a wild dinosaur attack that has no real reason to not happen.

Jurassic Park 3- 8/10

It was a sabotaged air tour of the dinosaur island. In theory, it would be fine, since dinosaurs do not jump that high, but like... there are air tours of other things that haven't maimed many people, and this gives me the same vibe as that picture of the airplane that was covered in spears when it landed. Touching ground for any reason is a bad idea. Also Mr. Noodle from Sesame Street was here.

Jurassic World- 4/10

There's a new park that's the same as the old park but the fences are better. People flock there with no hesitation, since the fences are higher, even though they're breeding some genetically modified super fighting dinosaur that can turn invisible. Why the heck did they throw in chameleon genes? Would the people be that excited by their star attraction being impossible to see in a small enclosure?

Jurassic World 2- 3/10

A volcano is about to erupt and kill the dinosaurs that maybe killed some people before, so they have to go back to the island to stop dinosaurs from dying and/or maiming people.

I think we'd established by this point that maybe dinosaurs were not meant to be in this time period, but apparently the protagonists just have an island for the not deadly but still super carnivorous dinosaurs that they like. The environmentalist protagonists don't seem to be concerned with invasive species at all.

Jurassic World 3- 10/10

Dinosaurs are everywhere and may or may not maul people anyways, so it's kind of whatever. It's the Flintstones, baybeee!

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In conclusion

I think Jurassic Park 2 and Jurassic World 2 were probably the low points for "let's go to the island". "For preservation" is also a really bad excuse when you're about to introduce an entire subset of invasive species to a global ecosystem like it's nothing. Sure, they died off once, but it's still a lot of very big lizards trapsing around and eating all the leafage that other animals would very much like to eat, and then possibly also eating those other animals, all while breeding with basically any combination of genders like it's nothing.

Submitted January 18, 2023 at 02:35PM by ImaFireSquid https://ift.tt/0up8g6i