Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom was a terrible movie. Here’s my thoughts:

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom is one of the most dissapointing movies I’ve ever seen, and I wanted to post the reasons I hated it here to see what other people think. We can discuss in the comments, hopefully civilly.

Okay, here we go:

1: Jeff Goldblum was heavily marketed but only shows up in two scenes that together don’t amount to more than 2 minutes and could be deleted with no effect on the plot.

2: All of the scenes involving the T-Rex were just forced in to have a T-Rex and felt like detours.

3: The idea that they can only save Blue by giving it T-Rex DNA makes ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE (another forced T-Rex scene).

4: The entire movie is spoiled in the trailers, right down to the dinosaurs escaping into the real world.

5: The villains feel like they’re from a an episode of G.I. Joe for fucks sake.

6: Chris Pratt and Bryce Dallas Howard’s characters are horribly bland and have no chemistry.

7: They stupidly recycle the entire romance subplot from the first one. Apparently, they went out and broke up AGAIN between films.

8: The younger characters that work with Bryce Dallas Howard are useless. The guys is just there to be comic relief (and was never funny) and the girl was only there to be Blue’s medic and had no personality otherwise.

9: The reason to bring these four characters to Isla Nublar is so contrived and unnecessary. Pratt is only there to help them capture Blue but ultimately has to effect on them capturing her, and the two kids have LITERALLY NO EXCUSE. Bryce Dallas Howard is the only one you could argue for, as she needs to open the security system for them, but is she the one and only person that could do that? None of those guys that were in the control room in the first movie could have?

10: Blue has been converted from an actually animal in the first movie to a dog. She’s literally just a dog now, and it’s stupid. Watch the movie pretending that Blue is just a really big, hyperactive dog, and it makes complete sense. It’s so stupid.

11: The theory this movie proposes that Raptors are the second smartest animals on the planet and would work with humans is just FACTUALLY incorrect.

12: Any dinosaur, ANY of them, would be terrible in any war scenario.

13: The total amount that the villain got for all the dinosaurs, including the Indoraptor, totaled less than THE BUDGET OF THE MOVIE. Look it up.

14: The fact that no one caught them when they drove a giant truck onto the boat (why was it even left behind if there was a space for it?) is utterly ridiculous. Not a single person was looking back at the island once in that whole sequence?

15: The scene where the Brachiosaurus is engulfed in flames was good up until it decided to jump up on its hind legs in a pointless homage to the original movie that only took me out of the experience and ruined the entire scene.

16: The amount of protection they had on that door to the T-Rex’s cage was laughable. IT’S A FUCKING T-REX.

17: Again, not a single person of the dozens onboard that ship noticed any of our heroes survived for the whole voyage.

18: Why is Isla Sorna, the island from the second and third movie that was built for dinosaurs and has no volcano (assumedly) never even get mentioned as a possible place for all the dinosaurs to be moved to?

19: They said in one of the earlier movies (I forget which) that the dinosaurs all need injections within a very short amount of time or they drop dead, as a means of dealing with them should they escape. Alone on Isla Nublar for three years, every single one of the dinosaurs would be dead.

20: No illegal organization even thinks about trying to go to the abandoned island and capture one of these dinosaurs once. In THREE YEARS.

21: The Indoraptor. It’s ugly and a terrible design, the science behind it is absurd, and it only exists to be a slasher villain. The entire climax fighting this thing was something out of a slasher film, and completely beneath this franchise. I refuse to even call it the Indoraptor. I call it “Jason Vorhees the Dinosaur.”

22: The Indominus Rex from the first movie was said to be a hybrid of a T-Rex and a Raptor (and some other stuff). Jason Vorhees the Dinosaur is supposedly a hybrid of the Indominus and a RAPTOR. So...genetic incest?

23: Bryce Dallas Howard could have aimed that gun that makes JVD go crazy anywhere, such as THE ROOF THEY WERE STANDING ON, but decided instead to just aim the gun AT CHRIS PRATT with no communication.

24: Jesus Fuck...okay...

25: The way that JVD was actually released is so, so stupid. The hunter only exists in this movie to release it. I’m not even going to try to describe it.

26: Dinosaurs can’t cry. Nor can they smile. Nor can they wink at the FUCKING camera.

27: Okay, here we go: the ending. You get one scene of good character development where Bryce Dallas Howard decides not to release all of the dinosaurs. THEN, the movie slaps you across the face and has the little clone girl release them all. That girl, along with everyone else in the room that did nothing to stop her (the other two dumb fucks just watched and let her) are 100% responsible for any deaths or damages caused by those dinosaurs, which there will be plenty of. But here’s the other issue. These dinosaurs are looses in AMERICA, the owner of the largest military in history. These dinosaurs, realistically, would be wiped out in a long weekend.

28: The entire clone girl subplot was just stupid.

29: The action felt so incredibly tame and sheepish, terrified to show even a little blood.

30: And the big one. This movie is an insult to anyone who likes the first movie for its messages. The big message to take away from Jurassic Park is that Ian Malcom was completely right: Reviving dinosaurs from the dead is a terrible idea. This message is enforced by everyone in this movie (including Malcom) saying the same at the start. But then, we’re forced to follow two character that believe the opposite: These dinosaurs SHOULD be kept alive for the world to see. It spits on the last 4 films and their themes and preaches the opposite. It’s an insult to anyone that likes the franchise.

If I had to blame someone for this mess of a picture, it really wouldn’t be anyone involved. Truthfully, I blame Collin Trevorrow, who directed the last movie and will direct the next one. He said in an interview that a movie where the dinosaurs are in society was his goal for these movies, yet he left someone else to get the films there for him. He had a vision for where this franchise should go, but didn’t care enough to craft a cohesive narrative to get to that point. That’s just my opinion, though.

Submitted July 22, 2018 at 08:06PM by Doctor-Shatda-Fackup https://ift.tt/2NAiX9K