I was given free screener tickets to Transformer 5 and I almost walked out

Obviously spoilers ahead.

First of all, proof.

TL;DR: Terrible pacing, felt like watching a 2.5 hours long Cliff Notes movie. Wait for the extended DVD version, or better yet, skip it completely. You didn't miss anything.

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Six months ago, I attended a special half hour sneak preview of the movie with incomplete CGI. I thought, OK, the movie should be half decent if it's completed. I was wrong.

Imagine you taking a 6 hour's worth of random car chase scenes and robot cgi scenes from different movies from youtube, give it to a high school student to edit it down to 2.5 hours. That's what the movie felt like. The pacing the was too hurried, none of the plot points even makes sense. The army is literally retarded, expending their best soldiers and fancy gadgets chasing Walburger instead of focusing on the transformer threat literally falling from the skies. They even thought it was a good idea to strike a deal with Megatron and release his posse of captured deceptacons and freely gave Walburg's hideout location to Megatron for absolutely no logical reasoning.

All of the side characters, the two female leads, the token black geek, the completely useless government lead scientist, and the entire army felt completely underutilized and unnecessary.

Also, the dialog in the movie was inane. Lots of dull sexual jokes for a pg-13 kids film. Here's some of the best quotes from the movies:

Bumblebee: "I am Bumblebee." - Optimus Prime: "I AM NEMESIS PRIME". - Optimus Prime: "I AM OPTIMUS PRIME". 

Oh, and those were battle shouts. It's ridiculous. Even the fight scenes were terrible.

Conclusion: save your money and don't bother with this movie.

Postscript 1: I forgot to mention that the audio is also terrible, which was surprising. All robot voices felt like their were dubbed postscript by a newb. It's just watching a c-list kung-fu foreign film redubbed in English. Some of the explosions sounds is muffled. Isn't explosions supposed to be Michael Bay's expertise? In the junk yard scene, there were even some background explosions that they didn't even add in the boom sound effects.

Submitted June 20, 2017 at 07:34PM by theassassintherapist http://ift.tt/2to5isS