I'm pleased to announce that Dolph Lundgren movies featuring him throwing a variation of a front kick have higher critical scores and make more money than his films that are devoid of front kicks.

Before we get into the data I have to say this piece represents the zenith of my data collection. I literally spent 30 minutes debating whether or not Dolph’s kick in Dark Angel should be considered a front kick or not (its not - kick is at :30). Also, every movie viewing was a tense experience as the data teeter-tottered due to the limited number of Lundgren movies that have a Tomatometer score (16 of a possible 65). Unlike my jet ski or JCVD data the results didn’t become clear until the very end when the 0% Tomatometer rated movies Black Water and The Peacekeeper failed to feature a front kick from Dolph. The data could’ve gone either way and when you collect as much data as I do you cherish the close results that make movies like Masters of the Universe and Johnny Mnemonic exciting.

This may be controversial, but I left out Rocky IV because there was zero reason for Dolph to throw a front kick. Drago may embrace steroids, but I don’t think he would dishonor himself by throwing a deadly front kick at Rocky during their boxing match. Also, how the heck does Universal Soldier: Regeneration not have an RT score yet? It’s a badass action film that features Dolph front kicking people. Another problem I have is the lack of love for the Lundgren directed Command Performance. It’s a movie about Dolph being awesome while saving the day in a “Die Hard in a concert venue” movie.

If you are a martial arts purist you won’t be happy with what I considered a front kick. I am well aware of the traditional front kick, however, I decided to include Teep – front push kicks and soccer kicks because they are aimed forward and there isn’t a hip turn or angled trajectory. They are straight forward kicks, and if they are done right could potentially send the victim into the next zip code. Also, the kicks didn’t have to be at humans as Dolph does front/push kick doors or large slabs on meat. Here is a clip from Universal Soldier that features Dolph kicking a slab of meat and crushing a monologue like a boss.

Here are the results.

1. Movies Featuring Dolph Throwing a Variation of a Front Kick

Tomatometer Average – 34.8%
Inflated Domestic Box office – $66 million (Red Scorpion, Showdown in Little Tokyo, Universal Soldier, The Expendables, The Expendables 2)
The Front Kick Movies – Red Scorpion, The Punisher, Showdown in Little Tokyo, Universal Soldier, The Expendables, The Expendables 2, Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning, Skin Trade

2. Movies Featuring Zero Front Kicks

Tomatometer Average – 24.2%
Inflated Domestic Box Office – $34 million (Masters of the Universe, Johnny Mnemonic, The Expendables 3)
The lame movies that don’t feature front kicks (sans Expendables 3 – the final battle is sweet) – Masters of the Universe, Dark Angel, Johnny Mnemonic, The Peacekeeper, The Expendables 3, Don’t Kill It, Black Water

Why are the front kick movies better?

It helps that The Expendables (42%), The Expendables 2 (66%) and Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning (55%) have solid Tomatometer numbers and only Red Scorpion has a score below 10%. There really is no correlation or causation, but, it’s worth noting that Dolph’s two movies with a 0% Tomatometer rating (Black Sea, The Peacekeeper) do not feature front kicks. If I was putting together a Dolph Lundgren primer, four of the front kick movies would be in the five I recommend:

Rocky IV
Universal Soldier
The Expendables 2
Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning
Showdown in Little Tokyo

The main reason the scores are relatively close is because the writers of Don’t Kill It crafted a decent script that didn’t allow Dolph to front kick a jerky demon into oblivion. The movies 89% Tomatometer score is earned, but when you write a movie about Dolph battling a demon AND you don’t have him kick it – there is something wrong with you. Why not let Dolph kick it?

What movie features his best front kick?

The Expendables 2 is his highest rated “front kick movie” and it features (in my opinion) his greatest front kick ever. Basically, he destroys a henchman with a beautiful kick that sends him over a railing. It’s awesome (1:55 in video). While watching the movie again (for research) I was shocked at how many awesome things I had forgotten. Here is a list

Dolph front kicks a henchmen and says “Goodbye.”
Arnold Schwarzenegger and Bruce Willis drive around in a smart car
Scott Adkins and Jason Statham fight
There is a moment when Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bruce Willis and Sylvester Stallone share the screen
Dolph gets to use his science background to hilarious effect
Chuck Norris probably kills 70 people
JCVD plays a great villain
Dolph front kicks a henchmen and says “Goodbye.”

There you have it! Irrefutable evidence that movies featuring Dolph Lundgren throwing a front kick are better than his other movie that don’t feature front kicks. You are welcome!

If you like this dumb data make sure to check out my other stuff.

Analyzing the unnecessarily large trap in Predators

JCVD and his splits

How Far Did the Shark Travel in Jaws: The Revenge?

Matthew McConaughey's massive jump in Reign of Fire

How Far Does the Creature From It Follows Travel?

People love a bearded Kurt Russell

Tracking the Merman's Murderous Journey

Michael Myers road trip in Halloween H20

Stellan Skarsgard's journey in Deep Blue Sea was gnarly

How Fast Can Leatherface Run?

Jet Ski Action Scenes Are the Worst