Please watch Flash Gordon (1980)

Okay so I don’t have a platform other than this website, but I really want to talk about this movie. Please bear with me, as I have much to say.

For the uninitiated, Flash Gordon was the creation of comic strip artist Alex Raymond at King Features, chasing the success of the preeminent intergalactic adventurer, Buck Rogers. Flash was originally intended to be a comic adaptation of the Edgar Rice Burroughs character John Carter, but that fell through before execution—leading King and Raymond to embark on their own. Whereas Buck Rogers was mostly strict space sci-fi, Raymond took Flash into a slightly more space fantasy realm—blending in different genre elements from across literature. Combined with Raymond’s superb artistic talent, Flash was a massive hit. Legions of fans, countless merchandising opportunities, nationwide syndication…the whole kit and caboodle. 

One of those young fans who fell in love with the Savior of the Universe was none other than George Lucas, who—after American Graffiti's success—tried to option the rights to the property from infamous Italian producer-extraordinaire Dino De Laurentis but failed and, frustrated, went on to make his own space fantasy epic. You may have heard of it, it’s called Star Wars. Obscure, I know. 

Well, now, it was Dino’s turn to get frustrated. Not only was he absolutely dunked on by Lucas, but he was also turned down by Fellini, Roeg and Leone. So Dino got Mike Hodges and they made the fucking thing. 

This movie is a masterpiece. It delivers on the promise of the original comic strip in a way only three-quarter century cinema could. That is to say: if it got made in the past decade, it would be 90% CGI schlock, but because it got made when it did they tried super hard with the practical tools they had and fudged the rest. As God intended. 

First the script, penned by Lorenzo Semple Jr., to whom you can credit the excellence of the ‘66 Batman show. If I’m making a goddamn superhero movie pre-‘80s, I’m hiring the guy who proved without a doubt that he can bring banger after banger to the table. And boy did he. Camp was difficult in a post-Vietnam, pre-Reagan world where soul-crushing Cold War cynicism had not yet met the cocaine-charged cult of Reaganomics but, by God, did Lorenzo Semple Jr. not give one solitary fuck. Paper-thin protagonists motivated almost 100% by sex, scheming sycophantic henchmen also almost 100% motivated by sex. The bonkers interpolation of intergalactic swashbuckling action with Broadway-style American football imitation. The power of the Beatles defeats Nazi-fueled, beam-executed brainwashing, for Christ’s sake! If somehow you’ve ever seen the WCW Dungeon of Doom vignettes done for Hulk Hogan, it’s like 2 hours of that. Sheer, unadulterated barely-sensical B-level-at-best madness. 

And the performances…the performances! Sam Jones as Flash, totally wooden. I think like 25% of his lines were ADR’d by someone else and you’d never know. And it’s better that way. Of course, practically goes without saying, but Max von Sydow (God rest his soul) as Ming is superb. Delivery of every single line could not possibly be better. Just watch the trailer: “Klytuss, I’m booooored”. Phenomenal stuff. Topol, yes--the star of Fiddler, is the perfect ham. And this movie needed a ham like a Christmas dinner (as a Jew writing that about a Jew was kinda funny, I’ll admit). Future Bond Timothy Dalton shows up for the straightman performance of a lifetime. Dude delivers the word “Treeperson” and doesn’t even blink. But, Lord have mercy, Brian Blessed…Brian motherfucking Blessed. Nobody on Earth has ever used so much of their mouth in a performance. It’s magic. Every shot of him is meme magic. Every time he opens that beautiful mouth transcends cinema. It must be seen to be believed. And, finally, Ornella Muti is just…she’s just so sexy. It shouldn’t be allowed. 

The production design. Let me tell you: Star Wars is all production design. Everything you like about Star Wars, everything that made Star Wars so successful is 100% production design. It feels like a galaxy far, far away that is still somehow so familiar. It’s Sci-Fi/Fantasy that feels real and lived-in. Flash Gordon is none of that. Flash Gordon is the most comicbook-y, most ostentatious, gaudily overdressed production you have ever seen in your life, bar none. One of the first scenes on Mongo, in the court of Ming, is like Fashion Week and a three-ring Russian circus fucked. There are skull-masked samurai. There are palace guards that can only be described the automaton offspring of Birdo and a Shy Guy. Ming has like seven different costumes including his amazing weird little skull cap toupee thing. Spoiler alert: when Ming executes Flash, they give his tomb a little plaque with Flash’s proprietary wordmark on it! The sands of the hourglass fall upside down!! Ornella Muti is restrained to a table by golden hands as she’s whipped!!

I have shown this movie to like a dozen people. Not one has ever come out of it the same. Objectively, it’s quite bad. It sags over long periods. Much of the dialogue is expository. The motivations of characters are often murky and/or hypocritical. The action choreography is awkward and weightless. It often just looks very cheap. 

But it is pure magic. It's the very definition of B-movie talent playing with Hollywood blockbuster money. It’s funny, often REALLY funny. It’s colorful and visually captivating. It’s familiar, but not in a oh-it’s-depressing-like-real-life way…more of a seen-it-in-a-picture-book way. It’s dramatic in its pulpy perfection. It is campy and goofy and ridiculous and weird. And it is sexy as hell. God, is it sexy as hell. 

And on top of all that? Queen composed the whole soundtrack. Whole goddamned thing. There are guitar licks in this movie that will make you shit your pants, I promise. 

Please watch Flash Gordon. You will probably regret it, but you will not forget it. 

Submitted February 26, 2023 at 01:06AM by JohnnyCharisma54 https://ift.tt/xv0qdl2