Recently watched Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey... can confirm it's NOT "so bad it's good", it's just (terri)bad.

I recently got around to watching Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey (online) and for all this talk of it (potentially?) being "so bad it's good", "hilariously bad", "entertainingly bad", whatever phrase you want to use... I must admit I didn't get that at all. To me, it was just bad-bad.

The characters are so flat, wooden, useless and stupid, I felt nothing when they died. Every single character, with the exception of one are all literally just there for the sake of being there (read: obliterated by dudes in cheap Dollar Store animal masks) with no depth whatsoever and that one other character... literally just has a shoe-horned in subplot aboutbeing stalked by a creeperthat the movie does nothing to advance and that's literally it for character development in this movie.

Furthermore, they make so many mindblowingly-stupid decisions, I wasn't even giggling, I was just rolling my eyes or cursing my laptop screen. One that stood out to me was when the girl in the jacuzzi (Lara, yes I actually had to look that up because they were that forgettable in this dogshit movie) sees Pooh and Piglet creeping in the woods on her phone and instead of running or crying for help, she literally just stays there and naturally gets killed. I facepalmed. And they're all planks of wood when shit does start hitting the fan (mostly in screens of black), I've seen high school plays with better acting than this, especially Christopher Robin when he sees his wife Maria being strangled to death by Piglet. That was the biggest NON-reaction to a loved one's death I've ever seen in my life. This isn't Sindel in Mortal Kombat: Annihilation's "too bad you... will die" stuff that actually was laughably bad, it was just pure cringe.

And on top of all that, the movie has long stretches of NOTHING happening that I was just bored when they were being stalked, chased, wandering around, whatever. Scenes literally look like they were padded in this just to get to feature length runtime.

Oh and about the kills... you can't even see 80% of them because the lighting is fucking atrocious (probably to hide the fact that they're obviously wearing Dollar Store animal masks). And the few times you CAN actually see women being savagely killed... it has some of the cheapest CGI blood I've ever seen in my life. They were N64 graphics-level bad. Furthermore, it doesn't even attempt to poke fun at the ridiculous concept of a Winnie the Pooh slasher movie (which they could've easily done BTW), it plays out like a straight slasher movie, asking you to take this shit seriously while forgetting that you can't take a movie about a wholesome-childhood-character-turned-murderous-slasher-killer seriously. It's basically Wrong Turn with guys in cheap animal masks.

All-in-all, it was a literal chore to sit through even for purely ironic purposes. I didn't laugh, I didn't even smirk at anything going on, I was just ready for it to be over. That has got to be the slowest 84 minutes I've ever had the displeasure of sitting through. The fact that this even has a 3% on RT blows my mind.

Submitted July 24, 2023 at 07:30AM by KManX89 https://ift.tt/wVj5Z94